The Rockies just traded Nolan Arenado to the Cardinals for pitcher Austin Gomber, Tony Locey, and Jake Sommers and infielders Mateo Gil and Elehuris Montero.  And the Rockies will CONTINUE TO PAY Arenado even though he’s playing in St. Louis.

So this trade is…..to put it bluntly….fucking stupid.  Nolan Arenado is one of the best players in baseball.  I know this.  You know this.  But I didn’t realize and maybe you didn’t realize how fucking good he is.  So I got out the Lahman database (shoutout to Sean Lahman) and check for myself how good he is.

Turns out Nolan Arenado is even better than I though he was.

Let’s play a little game: In the last 5 full seasons (2015-2019) what player had the most hits?

The answer is Charlie Blackmon with 940 hits.  The next three players with the most hits are Jose Altuve (938), Mookie Betts (910), and…..Nolan Arenado (906).  No other player has more than 900 hits in the last 5 full seasons.  Altuve and Betts are the 2017 and 2018 AL MVPs, respectively.  And, more importantly, Charlie Blackmon has a dope ass beard. (Compared to my beard which you can think of as  some sort of reference level).

Ok.  Next question.  Who has the most HR in the last 5 complete seasons?

If you guessed Nolan Arenado, you’re an idiot.  It’s Nelson Cruz with 204, you absolute complete incompetent.  Actually, Arenado isn’t a bad guess.  BECAUSE HE WAS SECOND!  He had 199 HR over this period (including 8 in the 2020 Covid shortened season).

Let’s do it again with runs.  Arenado is 4th with 519 runs.  The three players ahead of him: Betts, Blackmon, Trout.

How about doubles?  Arenado is 4th with 190.  Behind Betta, Boegaerts, and Castellanos.

Ok.  Last one: Who has the most RBI in the last 5 complete seasons?  Number 10 is Albert Pujols with 472.  From 9 through 2 is goes: Khris Davis (474), Bryce Harper (486), Jose Abreu (504), Paul Goldschmidt (505), J.D. Martinez (509), Anthony Rizzo, Nelson Cruz (522), Edwin Encarnacion (538).  Guess who is number 1, motherfucker: Nolan Goddam Arenado.  With 621 RBI!  That’s 83 (EIGHTY THREE!!!!) more than the next closest.  That’s 16.6 more RBI on average per year than the guy who is number 2!

Arenado’s RBI numbers are bonkers.  From 2015 through 2019 he had 130, 133, 130, 110, 118 (with 26 in 2020).

Holy. Shit.  The Rockies aren’t even pretending to try to win.  This trade sucks.  Sucks. Sucks.

You can find my code, as always, here.

Cheers.